I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my first year of marriage and how it felt like I was going through it alone. I’m not saying I wasn’t in the honeymoon phase, because I feel like we still are, and it never stopped. However, as a young woman navigating married life, it was a strange experience.
For one, all marriages are different, yes, but they all come with a standard contract, and the fine print on those things, well, who saw them coming? Nobody told me I would have to move away from my family. Or that I wouldn’t be seeing my sisters every day. Or that I would feel the need to cook and clean every day out of guilt because that is what you’re supposed to do.
Oh, and that lie they tell you that when you get married, you can let yourself go. I felt the opposite. I felt as if I had to stay looking fresh and put together. I watched what I ate. I tried to look presentable at all times. My hygiene was on point because, God forbid, I had any odor whatsoever. Yes, the first year of marriage was tough at 25.
I’m reminded of how hard the first year of marriage is by my good friends Janet and Ben. Janet is staring motherhood in the face, while Ben is trying to come to terms with his new reality. Being a father and provider, although great in theory, was becoming a lot more than he could handle.
Janet, being the overly gracious woman she was, saw that Ben was trying. The thing was, Ben had been trying for quite some time now, two years to be exact, and Janet was running out of patience. Initially, it was that he was new to fatherhood. Then he was having a hard time because he was used to being alone. Then it was, he just needed more time to adjust.
All the while, Janet became pregnant and had a tough time with it. She then has the bad luck to get postpartum depression and couldn’tdo the one thing she wanted to do for her baby, which was to breastfeed. On top of that, her husband, Ben, seemed to be alienating himself to the point that she didn’t know where he was half the time in the house. But she continued to show him grace.
Fast forward to the present time, and they are still fresh from the altar and are braving life together. I suppose what I’m saying is that the first few years of marriage can be rough. Am I the person my husband married 10 years ago? No. Is he? No.
What you have to remember is that marriage is a serious binding contract (depending on who you ask) and shouldn’t be ripped apart at the first sign of trouble. If you stay true to who you are, keep your eye on the bigger picture (which is love and being loved by your significant other), and trust that things will get better if you both want them to, you will do just fine.
Janet and Ben are going through what we all went through at the beginning of our marriage, a little bit of doubt that comes and goes, but eventually stays away for good.
I love you. Bye.
